poem: happiness

Happiness

What is it? Happiness?

This elusive state of being we strive for so desperately we will do anything to get it.

In this immediate gratification life we live. I want it now!

Why can’t I be happy now?!

Well? Where can I buy it? Who has it?

It seems so out of reach sometimes.

Like ur so close and yet so far.

Like u can smell it but cant taste it

It’s but a dream, a thing of the imagination

Or is it just that, something made up to drive the human race insane trying to achieve this thing that really does not exist?!

I think as long as people have brains, “happiness” can never be

Because we will always want more, need more,

Does it exist at all?

If u are truly, utterly happy, please let me in on ur secret, free of charge.

I’ll leave the tip at the door.

poem: tug of war

Tug of war

There is a tug of war in my head

I am ever conflicted

Decisions to be made

Thoughts to be thought

Words to be said

Between the old familiar voices that have lived with me for so long and the new words of comfort and healing that are brand new

The old voices don’t feel like making room for the newbies, get off my turf they say

Hence the mental civil war between the vets of damaging messages that are keeping me feeling trapped and overwhelmed with gloom and the new words of hope and a chance t be free.

Or do I just need to be realistic? Realistic or pessimistic?

Are my new beliefs delusional? Because they are unusual?

But the usual has not been working for me

And yet what is the truth, what should I do? How should I think?

I don’t even know how to think anymore.

I always hated that game

Tug of war.